Getting Rid of Grumpy Face

Do you suffer from grumpy face?

Are your negative emotions clouding the way to your real authentic self?

Mine are.

One time while I was working in a butcher shop, one of my co-workers said to me: “You look so angry.”

True I was overworked. And I needed to buy a proper face wash instead of using bar soap to wash my face. But I didn’t realize the inner turmoil I was experiencing was obvious on my face.

I have been walking around sometimes and I’ve noticed that sometimes my face goes back to this natural state that is in this picture.

It makes me wonder, what negative emotions are underneath these furrowed browed? That scowl? All of this needs to be released so I can be lighter and brighter.

So that I can access more of my natural abilities.

Wash Away Years of Turmoil to Feel and Look Younger

Yes, when you wash away years, and centuries of negative emotions that are blocking you from being your most angelic, lightened being, you will indeed look differently physically.

How I am Detoxing From Grumpy

My ultimate goal is to feel positive and grateful all the time….

I have moments where I burst threw in happiness and excitement. But soon I am told to stop by people in my surroundings, and the results leave me feeling wounded and hurt.

I know that any woundedness I experience is my negative emotions, some of which are not even in my conscious mind yet! Weighing me down again!

When you see a person with grumpy face you can immediately get a read on their state. My mom always had a grumpy face too and perhaps that is where I copied it from.

A face that is happy, smiling, peaceful and bright is one that experiences more positive emotions than negative.

Only 3 weeks left until I go to Full Immersion into Spirit to let go of past life self-sabotaging behaviors and to become a channel of light.

Credit: @Bunnymichael on INSTA

What if you only had 100 years left to live?

I’m going to hypothesize for a moment. What if the reality you see right now, isn’t the true reality? What if it really is all of the negative emotions that you carry that have you living in a bubble. If the mind is the creator of all of our problems then what if we were to remove all of the negative emotions that cloud our vision.

Our true vision.

With the culture shifts that have taken place in the coming years, it feels to me that everything is up in the air for change.

What if these really are the times of the apocalypse in the most lightened sense there is. Similar to that funny show on Netflix called Daybreak. “A bunch of teenagers living their best lives in a adult-free post apocalyptic LA” is the shows tagline.

Clear Vision

What if all of our negative emotions could be released. Leaving us with our true selves.What would change about who we were with, what roads we decided to travel down? What places we decided to visit.

If you only had a few years – or 100 left on Earth what would you do with this lifetime that you were afforded? Me personally I would travel more. Stress less. Love more. Have fun. And do work that is meaningful to me. I would most certainly travel to London, like I’ve been wanting to.

My Journey

I have been so concerned with being assertive. After all my tendency to not be the bossiest b**** in the room led me to start my blog. I always thought there was something wrong with me for being the way I am. For being so nice.

And so even up until a few days ago. I still thought assertive was right.

But now I have learned a few things. I’ve learned that love might be the most important paradigm. And while it is important to stand up for yourself. It is important to embrace all of life. Man or woman. Instead of being against men, I think I will continue to be supportive of all of live.

We are the solution

Millenials and Generation Z, we are the solution to the centuries old wounds and processes that still cover our society like dusty chimney soot.

There are many layers to uncover to get to the root of our authentic selves. To lead society forward in a new age. To bring peace and let freedom wash over everyone.

Everyone of you are unique.

A unique light.

A unique spark.

Of one.

There is no need to compare yourself to others. The solution is within you. The desire to follow your heart. To say what you want. To have an opinion that is not the same as everyone else.

Speak.

Speak.

Speak.

Your truth.

Break away from the old paradigms.

it is your destiny to follow what is in your heart.

Do it now.

Get started now.

I got fired…again. Here’s what I learned

Well… As I write this I just got fired AGAIN. This is the 2nd time this has happened to me. The owner said he just doesn’t feel like I’m the right fit.

School of hard knocks!

It’s been really hard to try to contort myself in a box so that people will accept me. I have always been bold, brazen, not afraid to speak my truth. In essence I have always tried to shine. But am met with pushback, people not accepting me, and the like. Now I know I am responsible for my whole life. And no one can make me feel a way unless I let them. But let’s not forget, there were red flags that I didn’t pay attention to.

I was only liked when I was quiet, dind’t give my opinion, and accepted being put 2nd. On my 2nd day, It was made clear to me that I had no authority that this job. And that a 20 year old is who I should look to for my commands. Stripped of my basic dignity, each time I gave an opinion or had a thought of my own, I was scolded or got in trouble or the speech was made to be heard that this is unacceptable. 

Never gonna try to fit in

For a moment, even after everything I had learned, I stil tried to be accepted by these people. Not realizing that it is they who are in need of self-love. It may be they who are lacking in self-worth. It may be their projections and thoughts that I am picking up on and it is triggering  me to have a reaction in some way. And in effect I am acting in the way they are thinking because I am picking up on it. 

It is important tobe self aware. To notice that these things are happening, so as not to be at the mercy of them. This is another lesson learned. The only strong way is to collect your souce of power from within. Mostly everybody is looking for love. And if you can’t be yourself at the place you are in, that is the biggest red flag. Unless you are having agregriuos communication errors, if you can’t have your personality shine forth at a place, than it is not the place for you. And it could very well be because the other people you work or are around have not done the necessary inner work to realize their own truth. They are sleeping and perhaps you are the only one that is awake.

A flash of realization!

On my break I chatted with a friend on the phone. I was comfortable and instantly myself. I was strong ,confident and happy. But around the other people back at work, I could barely get my words out, I was self-conscious, slower than usual, I felt small and …stupid. Why is that? Someone once told me when we don’t feel comfortable we are not at our best. Perhaps the energy of that place made me uncomfortable on a phsycic level. Once again the body picks up what the mind seems to miss. 

A divine plan is unfolding for me. I can feel it. A divine plan is unfolding for everyone. Everyone has a plan. The question is will you wake up to it? It’s not for the faint of heart. `

Moral of the story: Never compromise when it comes to being your authentic self! If you are not disrespecting anyone.

Moral of the story: NEVER compromise when it comes to being your authentic self expression! You will never be happy.

Credit: @bunnymichael on Instagram!

What is my higher self? It’s not all that spiritual….

The picture is from one of my favorite Instagram profiles, called Bunny Michael.

Bunny goes by “They/Them” pronouns. I like to embrace people and foster an environment of inclusivity. There is no more banning people because they are different than you. In reality we are all the same source.

What is a ‘higher self?’

Your higher self is you, but in full form. It is the fullest expression of who you are and is in another realm. The real you that is in a body on planet Earth is only a fraction of your full self.

Why is Trust important?

There is a reason that people say “trust yourself.” But how hard is it when you don’t even know what you feel? Trust is important because your higher self gives you all the answers about what choices are right for you in your life. You are the authority on your own energy. You know who is right for you and who to stay away from. Where to go and when. But we don’t listen to ourselves.

The mind, the thoughts, outside influences and patterns installed from our past all blur our clear vision.

When you scrape out all those negative influences you are left with a divine compass. That can navigate you to a life of fullness. Where you can rest in yourself and affirm yourself. Wouldn’t that be wonderful to do that all the time?

True Friendship in an Era of Disruption

I was browsing Instagram, recently, and I saw a random photo of a person I didn’t know. The caption said “mentors may not look like you thought they would, but I’m grateful for them.” At first I thought the caption was rude. And was poking fun at the mentors like there was something wrong with them.

But the more I let that thought stick in my brain and the more experiences I’ve had where people have reached out to me in my own life. I realized that friends may not look like I thought they would, but I’m grateful for the people around me that I now call friends.

Because it was so hard for me to let go of the concept of friends that I had in mind. For me, friends were 30-someting, young, cool people doing something interesting. I kept searching and searching for them. In a sea of people, I tried to connect with others who fit this description. I was always left having to change myself. Or their presence brought out a side of myself that I didn’t like. It was insecure, or I had to talk like Kourtney Kardashian or something. (RE FLAG: whenever I talk like Kourtney Kardashian I know I don’t feel comfortable.) What’s your red flag behavior?

I just read a Facebook post in a group I’m in and a woman mentioned how she explains herself often to people and she’s tired of it. That is another red flag. When you feel misunderstood. It might not be a good idea to keep trying to explain yourself, in the hope that the person you’re trying to impress will suddenly love you.

I’ve learned if they don’t show love right off the bat or make it easy, then they will always make you work for it. And that is not genuine. That is abuse and unhealthy.

I have real friends

As I’ve posted I was just fired again. And was in a deep depression because of it. Getting fired always stings to the core. It is one of the most severe things I’ve found. It is like disappointing your parents x 5.

I canceled my trip to Gettysburg. And thought “this is not how my life was supposed to go at this point…..”

And then I got a call from a number I didn’t have saved. I answered the phone with a grumpy and unfriendly tone, “Hello?”

It was my friend throwing the event. She said her name as if smiling and understanding about how my tone was so grumpy.

She said “I just want to let you know you’re not invisible..and I think you should still come to the event.”

Part of me wanted to put on a brave face and shake off the connection. I don’t need anyone.

But the more I thought about it. The more I was grateful for that exchange.

I’m grateful for her friendship. I’m always amazed at how people haven’t given up on me. Sure plenty of people have left my side and fallen away. But it is always true that the real people you need in the moment won’t abandon you.

And I think of my other friend Michael. Both of these friends are not in my generation. But Michael, who created Aisling Dream Interpretation, has been with me through the lowest lows and I feel like I can be my most authentic self.

It is true that friends are treasures. And so I leave you with these quotes:

“When you’re at your lowest point and have nothing left to give. Look around you. Only your true friends will be there.” –

“If you have nothing in life but a good friend, you’re rich.” – Michelle Kwan

The moral of the story is people are important. Friends are important. Friendship is a mutual exchange of love. One where you don’t have to try to be anything but yourself.

Friendship might not look like you think. You will know someone by the fruit they bear. And if the fruit is an authentic you, then you have struck gold.

Chasing Others: A Pattern From My Parents?

I’ve had a really big realization this morning while I was half-awake, half-dreaming dreaming about an incident that happened when I was a small child. I was a pretty hyper/creative child bursting with energy. And one day my dad locked me in my room and in the dark. Now, my dad and I have a really good relationship. And he is very sweet and well-meaning. I don’t hold anything against him now.

But back then, It was a very scary experience for me. And I still feel that I am wounded from it. I can feel the wounded energy that echos out from under me, deep, deep, deep down inside of me. It almost feels like an echo of Gab coming from inside of my gut. 

But how does this coincide with me today?

Well, more noticbly last year I’ve noticed that I run after people to try to get love and attention. Especially the past two years really, it feels like I always have to put in the effort. In every area of my life, in my business, to make contacts, to make friends, to potentially say I’m interested in someone. And it’s not normal that I have to do ALL the leg work.

Now, I want people to want to reach out to me. I want to be around people who want to be around me. I don’t want to chase after others and demand that they give me love and attention when they don’t want to. It has nothing to do with whether they want to give me love and or attention with their conversation. It has to do with my responsibility to myself and for my life. Who Do I want In My Life?

Missing Love

What is it that I ultimately want from these warm bodies? Love. The love that I didn’t get from either parent. And because I just healed as much as I needed to from my mom’s parenting. Then, in my body I feel that this issue is caused by my male energy or parenting from my dad’s side.  

I have to ask myself, do I think that this is love? This is my normal. Nudging people along in conversation.  Pulling and being a tug on people to engage with me. 

This morning I lay in bed and realize that I am doing this. I realize that I am better than this. And I finally take my needs into consideration.  I don’t want to hold these people like a conversation hostage. 

Impressionable Moments

I can link my desire to just have random and long conversation but empty conversation with someone back to my mom. When I was little she would spend hours talking on the phone in the morning to her friend Pat in New York. 

I have been needing a crutch to talk to. To fill in this missing piece. The doughnut hole in the center of my heart that is missing. That needs to be filled. It needs to be filled with love. But it can’t be filled with love from an outside source. AS I’ve mentioned before that will never be satisfying. It needs to be filled with love from the inside, and healing to whatever caused the hole in the first place.

I’ve asked myself a few questions this morning while laying in bed: 

Question: DO I want to talk to these people deep down inside?

Are they really the kind of people I can see myself being friends with?

If I am honest with myself, are these people interesting to me?

What is that I want in a friend? What is it that I would enjoy and want to do that is fun?

A New Development… Taking Back Responsibility of My Life

My life is on me.

I’ve decided that I will enjoy myself. I’ve always hated when people tell me to enjoy myself because how can I? It’s so boring just being by yourself, you obviously need people to be happy… duh… But this is where I’m at right now.

So, once a week I will do one FUN thing and enjoy myself. And hopefully that will send a trickle effect out into the universe to help me attract more love into my life.

This week: I am gonna tackle the Seattle Big Wheel! I am so excited. Maybe I will even stop at the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory after. 😉

Taylor Swift's Latest Album Cover

Themes for this week

This is it folks. The moment I fall into Taylor Swifts Technicolor world, full of cats, puffy clouds and fun. 

The themes for last week are Taylor Swift,Fun, Puffy Clouds, Lighten Up, Good Bye Depression, Coming out of Depression, Steps to take back my power, and going against patterns if it feels scary.

The Room Situation…a clue to my inner world?

After weeks of laying in a messy almost unbearable apartment, with a stench, followed by self-depricating thoughts of “if I cared more about myself I would clean.” I literally couldn’t bring myself to clean the apartment. I would lay on the hard spring mattress which I put a yoga mat over and a trench coat. The springs would dig into my ovaries. It hurt….

Dishes in the sink…..

No matter how much I tried to care and clean up I was locked in to not clean. 

I made small improvements like calling a cleaning service to come at the end of January to deep clean my apartment. It needs it, in the 5 years that I’ve lived in I’ve never deep cleaned. Just surface level. So this isn’t a luxury it is a health necessasity.

This week I’ve made small daily improvements, It’s all I could do. Just now, I’ve cleaned up all the paper and trash that I’ve had just laying around.

Papers, scaps, receipts, wrappers, pens on the floor, tons of junk mail, scribbles on paper of the same future plans over and over again. It’s all got to go. To make room for new growth. It’s a reflection somewhere in my psyche of how I feel about myself, how I was raised to treat myself. This isn’t the first time I’ve been in a situation like this.

I am going to redecorate my apartment. So far I didn’t even decorate it. I never let myself have the joy to decorate and live in a comfortable apartment. I basically lived in a depraved state, not allowing myself comfort. 

But now I want my life full of color. I want fluffy furry comfort. And plants. Lots of plants. And love. And a desk. And those cool white bowls. Dreaming of decorating my apartment is special. Because I’m trusting myself to do it, to pick out what I want. It’s an act of love. 

Living in the darkness is not fun. Living in messy, depression, anger, coldness, lack of love and care is not how I am meant to live.

It stifles creativity, it stifles wonder, it stifles fun, and moments, and joy. What I’ve learned through all of this is it’s definitely much better to be not depressed than to be depressed. I’ve also learned that I wasn’t going to change until I was ready. Until the moment that everything aligned. My thoughts, my daily experiences, my projects, the life path I was on. Maybe there is something to trusting divine timing. Maybe instead of wishing I learned all of this at 22, I should trust for once that I am on the right path. Even if it is at 30. 

So for now I am going to draw up vibes and plans for my new apartment. I will keep you posted. Where are you at in your journey to unravel yourself?

Tired of believing in people’s projections

One thing that  I wanted to cover more is the concept of projection. It is very easy to believe the message that other people are telling you. When infact, what thye are telling you is nothing more than a projection of their own issues. I read something one time that said “you are not a projection screen”. And it can be really hard to tell when people are projecting especially if what they say is related to one of your issues or triggers. For example I had someone the other day tell me they like how I’m assertive “sometimes”. Normally, you might take this as a compliment. And I did. But the “sometimes” part threw me off. I started to question whether I relly am assertive as I think I am. But I got a hold of myself, and the part of me that I’ve worked on that knows myself inside, what I’m feeling, who I am, what I am capable of and is learning to trust that part, took a hold of me and said “wait a minute girl, you are going to believe him? He’s not only 8 years younger than you, you’ve experienced more, you know more why are you lettinghim mess with you like this. You know you are assertive and you know his issues and this sounds like he is really projecting onto you. And yu are buying it!” So, I had to agree with my rationl self. I was buying loads of stock in this. And I took a step back and realized that he just projectile vomited his fears and worries and shortcomings about himself onto me. And I am believe this mess.