Well… As I write this I just got fired AGAIN. This is the 2nd time this has happened to me. The owner said he just doesn’t feel like I’m the right fit.
School of hard knocks!
It’s been really hard to try to contort myself in a box so that people will accept me. I have always been bold, brazen, not afraid to speak my truth. In essence I have always tried to shine. But am met with pushback, people not accepting me, and the like. Now I know I am responsible for my whole life. And no one can make me feel a way unless I let them. But let’s not forget, there were red flags that I didn’t pay attention to.
I was only liked when I was quiet, dind’t give my opinion, and accepted being put 2nd. On my 2nd day, It was made clear to me that I had no authority that this job. And that a 20 year old is who I should look to for my commands. Stripped of my basic dignity, each time I gave an opinion or had a thought of my own, I was scolded or got in trouble or the speech was made to be heard that this is unacceptable.
Never gonna try to fit in
For a moment, even after everything I had learned, I stil tried to be accepted by these people. Not realizing that it is they who are in need of self-love. It may be they who are lacking in self-worth. It may be their projections and thoughts that I am picking up on and it is triggering me to have a reaction in some way. And in effect I am acting in the way they are thinking because I am picking up on it.
It is important tobe self aware. To notice that these things are happening, so as not to be at the mercy of them. This is another lesson learned. The only strong way is to collect your souce of power from within. Mostly everybody is looking for love. And if you can’t be yourself at the place you are in, that is the biggest red flag. Unless you are having agregriuos communication errors, if you can’t have your personality shine forth at a place, than it is not the place for you. And it could very well be because the other people you work or are around have not done the necessary inner work to realize their own truth. They are sleeping and perhaps you are the only one that is awake.
A flash of realization!
On my break I chatted with a friend on the phone. I was comfortable and instantly myself. I was strong ,confident and happy. But around the other people back at work, I could barely get my words out, I was self-conscious, slower than usual, I felt small and …stupid. Why is that? Someone once told me when we don’t feel comfortable we are not at our best. Perhaps the energy of that place made me uncomfortable on a phsycic level. Once again the body picks up what the mind seems to miss.
A divine plan is unfolding for me. I can feel it. A divine plan is unfolding for everyone. Everyone has a plan. The question is will you wake up to it? It’s not for the faint of heart. `
Moral of the story: Never compromise when it comes to being your authentic self! If you are not disrespecting anyone.