Category Archives: Authentic Self

Why does it feel like social suicide to talk about God?

Question: Is God real?

Answer: Yes. God is present in everyone. You are of God, your personality is not you. Underneath all of that ego crap is God. And the most powerful version of you.

How do I know? Because I have spent years as an admirer, but I would never say it outlaid. I didn’t want to be known as one of those God-people. There’s just something so old school about those people. So, evangelical. So exclusive….. So UNSEXY and UNCOOL!

If you are a God person you obviously don’t have fun. You obviously can’t do the same things as everyone else because God would rather want you to stay home and go to bed early, where uncool clothes, and be super restrictive.

I found that it’s my ultra-religious upbringing that has tainted God for me. I don’t really go to church, and feel even weird for saying that!

But yes, I know God is real. And I wonder why more people don’t talk about God.

I once read on a blog from someone that I really admire that your heart is God’s Loudspeaker. I really liked the way they put that. And I feel like it’s time for God to be cool again. Because the truth of the matter is reality doesn’t exist the way you think it does.

Do you believe in God?

Getting Rid of Grumpy Face

Do you suffer from grumpy face?

Are your negative emotions clouding the way to your real authentic self?

Mine are.

One time while I was working in a butcher shop, one of my co-workers said to me: “You look so angry.”

True I was overworked. And I needed to buy a proper face wash instead of using bar soap to wash my face. But I didn’t realize the inner turmoil I was experiencing was obvious on my face.

I have been walking around sometimes and I’ve noticed that sometimes my face goes back to this natural state that is in this picture.

It makes me wonder, what negative emotions are underneath these furrowed browed? That scowl? All of this needs to be released so I can be lighter and brighter.

So that I can access more of my natural abilities.

Wash Away Years of Turmoil to Feel and Look Younger

Yes, when you wash away years, and centuries of negative emotions that are blocking you from being your most angelic, lightened being, you will indeed look differently physically.

How I am Detoxing From Grumpy

My ultimate goal is to feel positive and grateful all the time….

I have moments where I burst threw in happiness and excitement. But soon I am told to stop by people in my surroundings, and the results leave me feeling wounded and hurt.

I know that any woundedness I experience is my negative emotions, some of which are not even in my conscious mind yet! Weighing me down again!

When you see a person with grumpy face you can immediately get a read on their state. My mom always had a grumpy face too and perhaps that is where I copied it from.

A face that is happy, smiling, peaceful and bright is one that experiences more positive emotions than negative.

Only 3 weeks left until I go to Full Immersion into Spirit to let go of past life self-sabotaging behaviors and to become a channel of light.

Credit: @Bunnymichael on INSTA

What if you only had 100 years left to live?

I’m going to hypothesize for a moment. What if the reality you see right now, isn’t the true reality? What if it really is all of the negative emotions that you carry that have you living in a bubble. If the mind is the creator of all of our problems then what if we were to remove all of the negative emotions that cloud our vision.

Our true vision.

With the culture shifts that have taken place in the coming years, it feels to me that everything is up in the air for change.

What if these really are the times of the apocalypse in the most lightened sense there is. Similar to that funny show on Netflix called Daybreak. “A bunch of teenagers living their best lives in a adult-free post apocalyptic LA” is the shows tagline.

Clear Vision

What if all of our negative emotions could be released. Leaving us with our true selves.What would change about who we were with, what roads we decided to travel down? What places we decided to visit.

If you only had a few years – or 100 left on Earth what would you do with this lifetime that you were afforded? Me personally I would travel more. Stress less. Love more. Have fun. And do work that is meaningful to me. I would most certainly travel to London, like I’ve been wanting to.

My Journey

I have been so concerned with being assertive. After all my tendency to not be the bossiest b**** in the room led me to start my blog. I always thought there was something wrong with me for being the way I am. For being so nice.

And so even up until a few days ago. I still thought assertive was right.

But now I have learned a few things. I’ve learned that love might be the most important paradigm. And while it is important to stand up for yourself. It is important to embrace all of life. Man or woman. Instead of being against men, I think I will continue to be supportive of all of live.

We are the solution

Millenials and Generation Z, we are the solution to the centuries old wounds and processes that still cover our society like dusty chimney soot.

There are many layers to uncover to get to the root of our authentic selves. To lead society forward in a new age. To bring peace and let freedom wash over everyone.

Everyone of you are unique.

A unique light.

A unique spark.

Of one.

There is no need to compare yourself to others. The solution is within you. The desire to follow your heart. To say what you want. To have an opinion that is not the same as everyone else.

Speak.

Speak.

Speak.

Your truth.

Break away from the old paradigms.

it is your destiny to follow what is in your heart.

Do it now.

Get started now.

Credit: @bunnymichael on Instagram!

What is my higher self? It’s not all that spiritual….

The picture is from one of my favorite Instagram profiles, called Bunny Michael.

Bunny goes by “They/Them” pronouns. I like to embrace people and foster an environment of inclusivity. There is no more banning people because they are different than you. In reality we are all the same source.

What is a ‘higher self?’

Your higher self is you, but in full form. It is the fullest expression of who you are and is in another realm. The real you that is in a body on planet Earth is only a fraction of your full self.

Why is Trust important?

There is a reason that people say “trust yourself.” But how hard is it when you don’t even know what you feel? Trust is important because your higher self gives you all the answers about what choices are right for you in your life. You are the authority on your own energy. You know who is right for you and who to stay away from. Where to go and when. But we don’t listen to ourselves.

The mind, the thoughts, outside influences and patterns installed from our past all blur our clear vision.

When you scrape out all those negative influences you are left with a divine compass. That can navigate you to a life of fullness. Where you can rest in yourself and affirm yourself. Wouldn’t that be wonderful to do that all the time?

What does it mean to come alive?

All this time I’ve been searching for my aliveness. The aliveness that I had when I was a little girl. It seems like my 20s were just full of depression. When do we get to the good part? I realized if I didn’t do some serious internal work I wouldn’t get to the good part for a while.. maybe even 40s. Gasp.

I’ve always had a problem feeling. I suspect that is why others seemed in the zone and good things were coming to them. While I felt left high and dry. No magical flow this way. I just always seemed to miss the mark when friends needed a shoulder to cry on. And dismissed it as “I’m just not that kind of person who friends talk to about deeply personal matters.”

But what I’ve found is that we are all capable of that aliveness and at the end of the day sweet vulnerability. Which has been such a enigma to me all these years, until now. I understand that “asking for help” is strong. But I never understood it in my body, or let that concept sink into my body. To truly understand it. I think a lot of my energy was coming from my brain and it really needs to emit from two places. My brain and my body. I think that is how one can become perfectly in sync and in harmony with the universe and people. It is the driving factor to attraction. To a full life. At least that is what I’ve learned up to this point.

Aliveness

I figure that aliveness means something different for everyone. It is like looking through a different window. Everyone has a different angle that applies to their own reality. To me, Aliveness is waking up to one’s self. It is waking up to the individuality that is me. To have my own opinions. To say, “How does this situation work for me?” To feel, to experience life, to enjoy the moment, to not always have to be so perfect. To not always have to analyze everything. Rather to figuratively and literally let my hair down. To feel myself in my body. To enjoy all the pleasure that life has to offer in my body and in my mind. To not always think about the moment. But to live in the moment. That is what aliveness means to me right now. It definitely has a lot to do with imperfections, because within every interaction I am always thinking about my interactions. I think I need an experience to teach me not to worry about it so much. I think that will be the best thing to clear any need to latch onto the thought of my imperfections.

I think when we are open to experiencing life. To sensing life. That is when we can allow the flow of our own energy, and our own aliveness to come through to us.

Completion

Today marks the day I have completed my dream interpretation course that have ripped off the blinders of projection. It is this course that has change the rajectory of my life. I am no longer a slave to my unconscious mind. I no longer play out my issues. My dreams have said that I am now balanced. If you remember my female energy was off. But now that this energy is restored I successfully climbed up the rungs of hate myself to loving myself. I do in fact love myself. Right now I have to be gentle with myself, and let the cutting the ties process lock in for the next three days. Then my mood and worldview will forever be light. After this I want to do more healing. And I have signed up for some more healing. I am so happy htat I have cleared out he negativity that was blocking my life. And even more exciting is that now iwill begin to attract other people who love themselves, and I will be incompatible with others who don’t love themselves. that is just how the universe works, intereting eh.

I claim my own identity

Throughout this process of cutting the ties with my mom. I truly feel that I am able to have a separate identity from her. Before I would feel like I was still apart of her. So I will say that is a big benefit. Today was a full day of crying it seemed like. I feel that I gained a lot of my identity back. It’s funny that what seemed scary, going into the darkness of my psyche alone, now is somewhat easy to do. I enjoy looking at and releasing the painful memories that are new to me, because I had been suppressing them. I didn’t even know at all that I was affected by some of them. But now as they come up for me to examine, I relive them. I remember details. For example, one year when I was 5. My aunt took me Christmas shopping for my “perfect” cousin Sydney…on MY birthday. I know that was a foundational incident in my life upon where I built my belief of worthlessness. When we were at Kmart with my aunt, I stopped and picked up a Kelly doll. You know Kelly, Barbie’s less pretty ,less well known sister. (red flags).  I looked at the pink box and saw myself reflected back. My aunt told me to put it back. And we continued shopping for my cousn. She would stop and ask me, “do you think Sydney woud like this?” I think on the way out as a birthday present I got a small trinket near the cashier, or a quarter or something to put in one of those game machines at the end….. pathetic. 

With this sense of sef instilled in me it is no wonder my room is still amess. Sleeping on coats as I threw away my mattress comforter when a dog peed on it. I wondered if I was fixing my self-esteem when would I start to clean my room. When would I care about my personal environment? there was a disconnect. Because the inner worlds and outer worlds are connected I found it a bit concerning.

But then I listened to a therapy call that I had. And I noticed it was said that I have a subconscious belief that I am worthless and it comes back to this time in my life from my cousins. 

Because it is subconscious it is part of my operating system and is not as easily detectable. So, i will have to work a little bit harder in my morning exercise to heal it. To shift perspectives. 

The funny thing (not so funny) about  this process is when I get to a really painful and unacknowledged experience. It feels like slowly pulling an invisible dagger out of my heart. Slowly moving the dagger out with my hands. I didn’t place the dagger in my heart. My mom did. And over time I learned to stab my own heart to hurt myself. This is dysfunctional and not something that a gift should be doing. We are all gifts, and I want t o stand tall and own my sense of self. And killing off this negative aspects certainly is the key to being a leader.

Cocooning like a butterfly

I still have three weeks left in my dream therapy. I have learned a lot. But I am working on the while enchilada right now.  The major thorn that is keeping the whole apparatus of my problems, insecurities and walls held together. And that takes place in the family system. I feel that my mom didn’t give me the about of love that I needed but she sbowed loved to my brother in front of me. This caused me to feel even worse about myself. And I carried that pain with me year after year. 

The issues that I am getting into are deep now. They are painful. But I know that the outcome is worth it. I have seen tremendous growth in myself in only the past month. Worlds have opened up. Opportunities became within my reach that would have never been so, if I didn’t remove to old memories from my eyes. To see with new clear eyes is the greatest gift I have been given. I am getting better each week, becoming more myself. Truly emerging. But it is still a process. And sometimes, like today, I m down on myself. Because I still feel somewhat wounded and it reflects in my voice, the way I hold my energy and my power. And it shows it the way people respond to me. I was bullied in the past and I learned that, that too, is a response to the way I was brought up. That bullies look for the weak person who will take the bullying. And I have to rid that in my energy. When I see someone being rude to me I know that there is still more of that weak energy to remove in myself. A bully would not even try to bully another bully and that is the place I want to reach. I am learning to be easier and gentler with myself. I know tht I am like a butterfly. And It takes patience and persistence to change. How can I be so rude to myself when I don’t change immediately. It wouldn’t be fair to me. And through  this process of changing, I no longer feel worthless. I care about myself. So I will be gentle. And I know tht I will get to where I need to be. To be the truly strong and confident leader that I am. Today I felt hurt, but I know I am working through a major issue. And I know who I am on the inside, so it will show in time, with continued consistency and work. Removing the obstacles that prevent me from being a superstar. Removing.. constantly healing and transforming the energy. So that I can be me. Not for a fleeting moment. But eternally. Always. Never changing. Womanly, ME. 

It takes patience. Like a master scuplter with a piece of clay. I learned I can only heal as much as I am ready to. So step by step. I will release what is weighing me down. I am in my cocoon fully right now. And I am in a process of transformation. If I come out too early I will still be wounded. Unable to fly with some broken wings, or half-mended heart. I need to keep going to fully become who I am meant to be.

The time is up on my self-hate

My entire wall is built upon events that happened before age 5. I know that for sure because I cried at the memory of one today. During my daily exercise that I was given to take down my inner wall, one event in particular came to mind. And while I stopped thinking and stayed with the memory, words came up as usual, “Why wasn’t I enough for you?” And this time pain came up as well. And it hurt. The hurt of a child, the woundedness of me. The funny thing about these experiences is that trauma literally blocks the heart. The heart has the capacity to feel so many emotions, especially love. Love for myself, love for friends, family, lovers. And when I release traumas by crying about them and getting angry, I feel the energy of the trauma move out of the way of the gate of your heart. With every tear, my heart opens a little bit more. And my world becomes a little bit brighter. But before now, I was a walking brain. Purely rational, purely stuck in one fixed routine and way of doing things. Not able to touch life, or experience the exhilaration and joy it has to offer. While I am closer than I ever have been, I am working on uncovering that joy. I have been in a very dark space for most of my life. But I thought it was normal. In fact, it is not normal to hate yourself. And now that I am working through these old patterns, I feel relief, but I am still in a kind of hell. As I bravely venture to the deeper levels of anger, I become more in touch with how angry I actually am, and my own innocence (still working on seeing it), and the hollowness of my capacity to love and future my own self. I need replenishment by clearing out the old, dead branches of my tree of life.

Anyway, when I was five my parents, who never had a wedding, got their wedding blessed. I was dressed up in a flowery dress, and looked beautiful, although somewhat plain still, I believe. The retelling of this event happens from my perspective and that is all that matters. One thing is for certain I can trust myself now when I retell events. Because the way they happened are the way that they affected me. I don’t need to question whether I am recounting the situation correctly. My cousins came up and they were dressed up as well. But, I feel they had stolen the show. They had stolen my spotlight. But in reality my mom had done that for me or was working on it, by that age already.

In present day, I feel physically how much uncomfort and blockage is built upon that event. How every day I live my life carrying that event and others- around with me. How that lease “they stole my spotlight” is embedded in how I see my reality. No wonder, that up until this point I only could touch someone through an instagram screen. That isn’t real love. I needed this. To learn to love myself. Then I have the power to attract the man of my dreams. But only when I work on my own internal obstacles that prevent me from seeing my light.