One issue that I have that has diminished but not completely gone away is comparing myself. Yes, I have healed the necessary layers that I’m meant to heal for right now. But, before I’m able to go outside and have carefree fun, and actually soak up the fun. I have to heal a little bit more. I am trying to enjoy the moment, but it is amazing that right after I have worked through my major issues that I wasn’t even conscious of, but projecting out, a new one pops up!
An issue that I haven’t felt since high school has now resurfaced. And with my introduction back into social media I have curiously noticed a resurgence in comparing myself to others. Although now, it is not as bad as it used to. I don’t feel like I deserve to be hurt, and so I try not to actively enter into the trap my mind sets for me, of comparing myself with another person, by what they have, or how clever they are. Which social media makes so tricky!!! It is almost a comparison trap to stir up the negative feelings. But for some reason there is that immediate dopamine kick you get by looking and seeing new notifications or new content that is published. It really is not positive at all. But, hey this is the world we live in nowadays. I can firmly say social media adds more negative than positive, but I want to get to a point where I can enjoy it’s ability to connect people, stir up new ideas about the world, and enjoy what other people are doing, without setting out to feel a sense of lack by what I don’t have.
I noticed that when I compare myself I lose the full power of myself. I dimish my own self and the amazing and UNIQUE qualities that I have that make me simply irresistible because I am comparing myself to someone else. Chances are what makes me unique is 10x better than what the other person has. Yet I stumble and for a moment put myself 2nd. One of my mantras is that I will not put any other woman before in my life. And I’m sticking to it.
As I continue down this road of healing so that I can be a burst of fun, funny, womanly, amazing person that I know I am without having the bad stuff running in the background, I want to be completely free of the bad stuff.
The most important thing for me is to have TRUST. There are times that I worry. Worry too much. The most important thing to beat the demons of comparison, of owning my right, of being the only authority of my energy is trust. Trust in myself as a person, that what I am saying has meaning, that my actions are right. That what I feel is true. I think that trusting myself 100% would help the negative thoughts and emotions fall away. Enabling me to be who I truly am inside.