The themes of this week are existential pain, being your real self takes time, digging in to difficult situations.
I have to face yet another difficult situation this week as someone has gossiped about me and I have to meet with the manager and the employee tomorrow. It’s hard to face these kind of situations but standing in my personal power and setting boundaries and not backing down from them is what is needed. To really dig into any situation and get dirty in the mud. That is how I can stand my ground. It is the only way I can truly live and shine. Not run away from conflict or doubt my self or what I sensed and saw and felt in my heart.
I realized that even though I healed myself through my childhood issues that there is still feelings of emptiness, worthlessness that I need to heal. Sometimes I want to talk to people to fill up this well. But nothing, neither money, stuff, or interactions can make me feel as good as when I am connected to myself and speak from that place. I know from my dreams that I need to heal issues around my masculine energy that would go back to my childhood and my dad’s influence. There was nothing traumatic that happened in my childhood with my dad. So I’d be really interested to find out what is lingering in my subconscious that is still wounding me. Once it is healed I will enjoy the benefits of even more happiness, attracting better people into my life, and loving myself more.
Being your real self takes time
I feel the pressure because I am 30 years old to be my full self. But there are so many internal systems going on inside of me. That it does take time to look inside to feel full. After the first healing that I did it brought me to a place where I can enjoy life and feel more embedded in the patchwork of life, if that makes sense. Suddenly I don’t feel so alone anymore. I feel like I can actually have fun. Move forward in my life. Experience life instead of just using my brain to think through it.