Someone once told me that one healing is rarely enough for a lifetime. And I did not expect to immediately jump into the next issue that arose. But, here we are. At inner child work.
I don’t do something unless I believe in it and start to see real results from it. The work of Dr. Maragaret Paul has soothed my deepest self. The ruffled layers deep within me that are really hard to get to. That cause my voice to be pained and call out to me from deep within myself. The other day I woke up from a dream where this deeply pained voice called out to me and said, “but am i pretty enough?” It was after a dream i had where I asked other people if I am indeed pretty enough. Which I really did in college.
The scariest thing you can do is to be yourself
My inner child is calling me to come out. She is calling me to trust her. But this is an issue that I am struggling with. For instance, there was an incident that I was involved in when I caught people gossiping about me. The energy was negative, and my body and heart were telling me something fishy was going on. I addressed it, and was met with an extremely defensive and angry response. Which to me confirmed my hunch. Normally after an incident like this I don’t even notice any residual sad feelings, particularly because I guess I didn’t care about myself or consider myself a person . But this time I really noticed that I was sad. It hurt me that people decided to gossip about me. This was a revelation for me. I never noticed that I had been hurt before.
I started going down to my gut-level and asking my inner child questions. And after a little bit of probing, patience and listening, I got to the point where a part of me said, “You don’t trust me. You abandon me. You think I’m a troublemaker.” It is at this point that I realized that I do abandon myself because I do think that I start trouble. Where did I get this idea from? I am not a trouble maker. But it is this belief that is wrapped around my inner child’s throat. I am bold I will admit that. I am daring. I am a little rebellious. I say things that people may not want to hear. But should I be forced to hide who I am? Should I self-abandon myself and always think the other party must be right? No. No. No. I will step out and be myself. Imagine what is possible for me for any of us if we let that little child have a voice. If we gave ourselves permission to be the boldest version of ourselves. How would we change? How would my life change? What energy could I connect to? What am I satisfying right now by not being my full self? What false tapes did I buy into that I think are really me that are in fact not really me and are clanking my fullness? My aliveness?