I know that I am making progress because one day I was able to feel another side to myself. And after all the work purging, gagging, ridding myself of the anger and suppressed feelings from my childhood I am starting to see the light. I woke up yesterday and really understood what “feeling myself” meant. I was at my part-time job and a man thought I was attractive, and for a brief second I allowed myself to be “venus.” You know feel womanly. Feel the rush of one of those neurotransmitters, let my body take over instead of constantly stuck in my mind.
And that feeling has only increased over into today. I woke up and felt like I am turned on by myself. Not in a weird way. It is just a mixture of excitement about life and myself. The fact that I have so much power, that every human does, especially when you are young and have a sense of purpose.
The world is literally limitless. And I wonder if this is what people mean when they say “The world will open up.” I never understood the phrase until now, so I guess it’s one of those things that you have to live through.
Feeling attractive and lovely and beautiful and sexy and essentially like aphrodite, when you’ve never felt beautiful before at all or sexy, and were always in your head, or trying to get ahead by being a male is one of the most satisfying and joyeus feelings that I’ve felt to date. I realize that there is immense power to being a woman. And loving, appreciating your womanly charm. Your magnetism. Your nurturing side, your sexy side. And you can use them to your advantage. After all beauty is only skin deep. And everyone is beautiful. So, I think that womanly power has a lot of root in beauty. Everyone loves a thing of beauty and wants to be near a bright light.
And the best part of the feeling of loving yourself (this natural euphoria), (with no alcohol, drugs or other things to induce this state) is that now I am starting to get to the right place when it comes to attracting a MAN. Because I believe that I am a princess and deserve a handsome prince in partnership with me. Not to rescue me. (more on this later)