Hola! Today I am feeling MUY light. And not as heavy or depressed as I have been in the past weeks during the process of dismantling my self-hatred and limiting beliefs.
It’s because I am poppin’ bottles of emotion….!
Let me illustrate for you: A strange thing happen to me the other day. I chose to wear the bright green trench coat I’ve had in my closet for FIVE years. Never worn. I always thought “eh, that is SO NOT ME” or “How can I wear that trench coat. It is bright green. Everyone will be staring at me.” I would’ve rather died than dressed in that UGLY bright green and so not me trench coat. So for years it collected dust in my closet. And was banned to the “never EVER GOING TO WEAR.” pile.
The other day I was used to wearing my olive and black colored trench coats. But this green coat stood out from the pack. It became an attractive option for the first time ever. I considered wearing it. I put it on and was surprised at how it brighten up my mood. It wasn’t awkward like I imagined. I didn’t stand out in a bad way, like “look at that big goof wearing a bright green trench coat.” It complimented by energy and merged with who i am.
I wore the coat, the coat didn’t wear me.
So what had changed? Nothing about the coat had changed. But in the days that I have been doing the cutting the ties process, I had changed.
Update on emotions
I have been cutting the ties which is a process that helps communicate to your subconscious using shapes. It helps losen up and make conscious the inner child. In doing so you can identify issues where your inner child was repressed, angry, sad, not loved as much as she needed.
If someone didn’t literally drag me into this course I would’ve never chosen this. I would’ve gone to therapy and even then I was really iffy about. I didn’t really take therapy that seriously, and thought it was an unnecessary expense to be honest….
Anger, anger, anger
You know when you can see in someone’s face that they are angry? I feel like that is me. And so as I started to cut the ties, and feel what my body was telling me. I started to feel anger. I started to hit the pillow over my bed to release the pent up steamed emotions that were laying inside of me dormant.
And I started picturing my moms face, and the more I think of it, and the more I think about ways that I’ve limited myself, feel worthless, not good enough, compare myself, I get angrier and anger an hit the pillow and even…scream!
I definitely consider my self well sensed enough to not scream. I can’t even yell when i am around people. Or my “false self can’t yell.” 😉 should I say…. it feels kind of awkward and funny, and relieving at the same time.
The moment of pure change happens after I am done with my daily pounding of the pillow. I feel free. I feel happier, and I feel less tension in my face. I noticed that instead of putting my false self forward in interactions that aren’t genuine, I am more comfortable being my real self naturally though, not contrived. Which is very intriguing to me.
So the verdict is: expressing emotions and making memories conscious is the KEY to being your authentic, real, strong self naturally! Que fabulous!