Today I wrote a pretend letter to my mother. It’s part of my course for healing. I just let the emotions and words flow. I didn’t censor myself at all. When I put the pen down I was surprised to see how much anger was on the paper. There was a lot! Did all that come from inside my head? Wow. It gives me a new perspective on unconscious and projection.
If I was that angry and wasn’t even aware of that, what else am I projecting onto other people that isn’t realy true. What is true about the self-hatred i have for myself. It is sad, frankly. And it is something that needs to be seriously dismantled so that I can love myself.
The self-hatred filter stops me from really seeing myself as a person and not just a thing to compare other girls to
It seems me as more than the face i look at in the mirror everyday and as someone with real features
It stops me from feeling beautiful
It only allows me to have superficial and shallow self love which looks concieted
it never lets me forget that i have flaws
it always insists that taking care of myself isn’t important
it always leaves me feeling unworthy of a boyfriend and unable to feel my feelings, in a relationship.