As I have been working on opening my heart, it kind of feels like i’m in the emotional ER or hospital.
I am trying to stay in the present moment and learn at every turn from this experience. I feel like my heart is in pain and about to burst open at the seams. I’m a little scared to go to that place. The place where it does burst open. I’m scared because I won’t have the control in that moment and that is a scary thing to let go of.
But regardless it is out of my minds control. My body is responding to the healing and I have a feeling what the time is right my body will let go and cave into the flood of emotions that are waiting to BURST.
Crying happens once or twice during the day as I uncover the beliefs that were never mine to begin with but handed to me at birth.
I have started to discover that even my perceived limitations are not really my limitations. I was seriously blinded even though i thought i could see clearly. i could only feel. For example, I always thought my mom thought I was good, but suspected that I had limitations that my brother could surpass. So i would always think, “yes I’m good and skilled in my life/spiritually to an extend. But my brother HE IS REALLY GOOD. He has the IT factor. I am just his guide or something.”
Well, I realized that what my mom thinks of me is not actually the truth either. It is her limitation and limited beliefs of herself that she has projected onto me. So her perceived limitation of me is her perceived limitation of herself. That was a major BLOCK removed to even start to see myself clearly.
To even know that I can surpass what I thought I could is an amazing feet.
Suddenly I don’t feel scared or timid to use my gifts.
However this is just the start of feeling the empowered emotional body. There are a few things that I have to get used as I have leveled up from a disempowered emotional body to a semi empowered one. It’s definitely a different worldview. And I feel like I can access parts of myself that were blocked off before.
- I am now exploring this state. Which means that I am more lenient with myself if i don’t master an interaction or i feel like someone needs to be put in their place, or i feel that i need to act assertively. if i “miss” the shot, sure i feel annoyed but it is more a learning experience to see which way to act is the most effective for both parties.
- When someone doesn’t do what i want them to do, or when i speak and someone doesn’t listen to me or imposes their will on me, i’m wondering if i should feel disempowered or empowered because they are trying to help
- When people tell me commands, that especially irks me. especially when it is in a sexist way. Like i see that they spoke with respect to a man, but to me they said “you can leave the lights on.” that really pisses me off. it does take my power away. but i want to know how to master it. so i am powerful. i know there is away.
- also the empowered emotional state is primary run from the heart and is emotional, it runs on feelings beautiful positive ones. it enlightens the mind. for me comes in really strong but short burst. For example today i felt really confident talking to a leasing agent to get dog walking keys, i was my new super expressive confident self. but as we kept up the conversation, more and more doubt kept creeping in. and i started to get withdrawn. i couldn’t ignite the power i once had and so more work needs to be done.
Deep, focused work is required for this experiential process. it is deep and profound. and i am just getting started. but it is the freedom that i am seeking. I will continue to work and learn how to master situations. even though it doesn’t feel great when someone tries to take my power, or it is frustrating when people try to talk over me or cut me off, i know that each step gets me closer to the real me, and it is good experience that i am in these situations 🙂