Is a like really all there is to it?
How about continuous likes on every new update. Sounds like a gut punch to me.
Pictures of happy people smiling with bathing suits on and not a care in the world.
Expensive trips that portray a lifestyle.
I think it is reality. I take it at face value. But does social media just reinforce the mask we all wear? Is it just another form of protection that keeps us distant and aggravates our existing issues.
I would say my single biggest struggle yet disgustingly satisfying habit is going on social media, and searching on another girls profile to see if the guy I liked has liked their photos. After college I obsessively checked Facebook to see if the guy I was “in love” liked Claribel Lopez profile picture. In a digusting way it satisfied me. It made me feel content in whatever twisted relationship or entanglement I found myself in.
Now I know that it is because I have a hard time letting people get close to me. And I am exploring the issues around that from childhood. It feels like shit when you want to be loved but it’s ot happening for you. Or you found someone that you like, but they don’t return your love. You see them with another girl and think: what’s wrong with me? What does she have that I don’t. What makes you want to be with her and not me. Is it the way she wears her hair? Or that she likes to travel or cook? Is it her personality and the way she speaks that makes you want to call her your sunshine and not me. Why do i have to be a spectator in this game and she gets your attention.
I realize this is highly victim mindset here. But it’s what the feelings tells me. My feelings.
Then you get the guys commented on a “hot girls” profile. “Wow, you are so beautiful.” “You are an angel. Gorgeous.” “Fire.” When they are showing off their bodies. What if you are one of those girls that doesn’t want to put it all out there. Is there something wrong that you are not comfortable enough in your sexuality? That’s how I feel.
No one actually talks to me like that. So it can be added to the pile of “reasons why I’m not good enough or worthy of love.” I don’t dress like her. I don’t wear hot clothes. In fact I pretty much wear the same shirt everyday. I don’t get my nails done.
But what do i have? I’m friendly, I’m caring, I notice things about you that others would miss. Like how you are doing, if you are sad today.
Going on social media is like being part of an exclusive club that I can never get into. I realize this is my issue of “not feeling like i belong.” speaking.
Stop going on it.
The worst part about social media is the attraction to log in. To get that buzz from opening the app to your other instagram name and checking to see if your crush has added any new pictures. It’s sickening. But the attraction to the site feeds an underlying need for love that I have that needs to be healed. And I think that until it is healed I will continue to feel that pull toward social media checking.
I can try to stop it “cold turkey” but who are we fooling. It doesn’t go away.
I am going to get to the root of this social media issue. As you know I am in a dream interpretation course and working on resolving childhood issues. I’m pretty sure that will do it. But we will know by December 12th because that is when the pain ends.. I mean the course ;).
Comparision cannot be stopped without healing. It is a nasty little gremlin that prevents me from being happy, connecting with people that I think are interesting, and enjoying life. It stops me from loving myself. I can’t see the gifts that I bring to the table. I see myself as worthless. But my life is worth something, just as much as anyone elses. I want to fill my cup up with real self-love and see what happens. See how my life changes. I love myself.