In My Skin

Is Feeling the Feelings “The Secret” To Having What You Want?

Intrigued, curious, drawn to it, Willingness to try something new. that’s how i felt when a new book was recommended on Facebook. I was drawn to it.

It’s called Feeling is the Secret, by Neville Goddard.

Sure I am familiar with The Law of Attraction, But i was always half-in and half out.

I felt like I was not in the energy to make it worked. No matter how much I believed.

The book is short, only 40 pages. And the premise is that, you get in life what you are, not what you want. That’s why you should ask yourself the question, “if I had what I wish, how would I feel?”

The truth in the words and the energy within the book really advanced my own understanding of how you can use feelings to draw in what you want.

Here is my blog of how experimenting with feeling the feeling of what I want worked.

All in all it is something that I will keep doing and imaging my feelings as if I had everything I wanted.

I also am reading the book Breaking The Habit of Being Yourself, where it takes feeling your feelings one step closer.

Dr. Joe Dispenza writes that to be able to acquire what you want, you need to hold an attention


Why Relationships End, The Energy, The Universe and Me

What’s that new freeing feeling I feel?

with a tinge of bittersweet memories on my tongue. a new solo adventure begins wth myself, suddenly the future is not so written in iink,

the memory and experiences that were made with another person become crystalized.

And cataloged into the archive of my life.

Yes this is what happens when two people have learned all they can from a relationship, and now they go their separate ways.

Which is what I experienced about 3 weeks ago now.

But it has me reflecting on how much have grown since I started documenting this journey of self-growth in 2017.

When I had spent the last 7-8 years sans boy. The minute after I worked on myself deeply one came in to my life.

But the truth is that relationships are one of the best learning tools. The hard part is distinguishing if someone is the coveted one, that we’ve been brainwashed to expect.

The last relationship although wasn’t the one, was a sweet and memorable experience for me. I think it’s really healthy and good for me to have experienced a couple relationships that I can cherish.

This one taught me what I wanted in a relationship, really unconsciously what I expected a relationship to be like for me. And what role I wanted to play within a relationship.

And it is only in hindsight that I can see there were red flags. But I cherish the experience.

It’s All Just Energy

Relationships are just energy, just like everything else in the universe. And there is a certain energy between two people that keep them together and attracted to each other.

That’s why some women date people just like their dad and think this person is the final stop!

They don’t see the same unemotional, unavailable, coldness, that is very similar to how they grew up. Even for an advanced person in healing as I am, had a difficult time recognizing that clearly.

It is easy to get blinded by trauma and beliefs that cover our eyes like tinted glasses.

Not Everyone Will Be The one!

It’s interesting to note that not everyone is “the one”. Seriously it seemed like every guy that entered my life and wanted to date, just by virtue of being interested in me, i deemed the one.

I thought the man i would spend the rest of my life with is easy to identify. But luckily for me EVERY guy that comes into my life romantically I envision my life with them. When I have kids I am definitely not going to be teaching them that the princess gets rescued my a prince. That was the bain of my existence!

What I learned through this last relatonhip. Is that relationships hold so much growth.

Their beginnings are beautiful and even more so the endings are just as gorgeous. And sentimental. And painful. Knowing that someone has left my life, and we are on two separate paths, when just a few months ago we were planning to live together abroad.

Shows me just how special moments are with other people. Because they are fleeting.

Life is just a gorgeous array of hope. And now that I am single again, and in my 30s. I look forward to my life that I am buiidng and scaling on my own terms, and take every day in, with gratitude.

This past relatiionship with T is something that i will cherish for the rest of my life.

Another thing that I learned is that, I want a man that will lift me up, someone that I don’t feel like I have to cook in the kitchen and take on the traditional roles. But moreso cook because I love to. I want someone to support my success. And allow me to be unapologetically success and leading.

Just like how Kanye supports Kim!

The next leg of the journey is mine to take.

And I am enojoying the sights from this high up in my life. 🙂

Life, I’m ready for more of you. What’s next?

Lessons Learned:

Relationships have a certain energy to them, and they are keeping two people together. Like attracts Like

As soon as I healed my masculine side the energy holding the relationship together fell away. And so there wasn’t anything left to learn.

Trauma can bind two people together. Trauma/beliefs don’t always have to be severe. It can be the little things that our parents did, that we look for and feel comforted in other people. For example, your dad being cold, and now your partner is cold.

Sometimes we feel like we have known people for our whole lives, and say “i feel like i’ve known you forever. We must be old souls from a past life” While, sometimes that is true. Generally it could be trauma talking, and the fact that this person seems like your parent is what makes them so familiar.

Life is absolutely beautiful, all of it, beginnings, and endings, the bittersweet nature of it.

It’s a journey, we are only here temporarily, enjoy the ride.


How I Went From Helpless To In Control, and You Can Too

This was me….

Overemotional, whallowing in said emotions without a life raft in sight,

Also me: Helpless, digging around my emotional brain trying to figure out what is wrong with me why can’t I build stuff in the world?!


I’m doing all the mindset I need to do, doing all the law of attraction, positive affirmations, but i’m barely scrapping by.

This is what my life looked like.

It wasn’t that I was short on motivation, or researching.

Heck, I’ve been to every coach out there, but still nothing was truly helping me in my career.

And i felt like i was overthinking this whole, thing, that something was wrong with me, that i should be able to reach out and talk to people, or be able to take action the way other people can so easily.

Being that I just underwent almost 3 years of universal “ready-ness” which is what I like to call it when the universe wants to see how committed you are to your purpose, your goals.

And puts you under challenging, painful, looong and arduous tests to see if you are the woman for the job,. I was feeling a bit like an expert. What else was there for me to work on?

Like I said I had tried everything under the sun. Affrmations, mirror work. You get the jist.

What really helped the emotionally suspended parts of me come together was freeing my masculine side.

Masculine Energy

I had tried a process last year, reluctantly.

To help what I first heard as my “female side” and it changed my life! I learned a method for “cutting ties” from my friend Michael Sheridan. And now I have incorporated this transformation into my own programs.

Working on the problems and limitations that were binding my female side, unleashed a whole new version of me! Feminine, Trusting myself, Loving myself and super female!

However, I found out that my male side had been weakened as well.

And when this happens we are not at our full power. I was unable to do tasks like outreach and pitching myself over and over because I was running low on the energy that fueled these actions.

How I freed my Masculine Side

Before I embarked on this freeing my masculine side, it’s been about a week, I still felt like I was running across a bottomless floor.

I felt like I was still operating without a foundation. A foundation I couldn’t see clearly, that so many other people seemed to see clearly.

It’s amazing at how much changes each week.

Slowly I started to feel my confidence come back. I started to take actions I would have never taken before. I definitely started to feel more empowered, like I have the power to stand up to people.

This week I have finished a process called cutting the ties with my dad. And so much has changed.

For one, the helplessness I felt is pretty much gone. You know that feeling of trying everything and not acquiring anything for all of your efforts? That’s gone.

I realized my masculine energy had been wounded, which prevented me from being able to “bring things back.” And actually reaping the rewards of my labor.

In a dramatic change of events. I upgraded my energy by separating myself from the negative aspects of my dad’s personality. Which included being distant, being scared to stand ground, being afraid to speak my mind.

The results speak for themselves. I find connecting to other people and talking to them about what i offer to be easy now. Almost effortless.

I’m able to expand to freely take actions i never thought i was able to take. Suddenly the tension when speaking my opinion is gone. i find that i am able to take control of a conversaton much easier.

And i am gifted with mental clarity of the material world. Which means i know how to build things for myself. Which is something that was keeping stuck at the starting line before.

Some benefits of freeng yourself from the negative influence of your father are:

  • an increase in mental clarity
  • an huge increase in confidence
  • a huge increase in self-power
  • an ability to speak a disagreeing opinion
  • an ability to not downplay your shine
  • an ability to truly be yourself
  • the ability to attract more people to you for a cause that you believe it
  • general easier time acquiring goods in business

Conclusion: my life has been massively upgraded since freeing my masculine. I speak when I want to, say what I want to say, and am much more able to get what I need in the world!

If you are interested in unleashing the best version of yourself: Email me and let’s chat:


How I Consciously Stopped Being A “Dependent” Independent Woman and How You Can Too

Leaning on others for support, wanting to be the “bread winner” but always feeling like a burden, being independent in speech only but not in financials. Needing other people’s emotional support and relying on them to save me.

This is what dependent looks like.

Being dependent is not simply reserved for those who lack financial abundance. And being dependent to me, is not about the typical co-dependent personality. I preached that I was independent because I lived alone, didn’t rely on a mate for financial things, and had a certain level of pride about this. But the fact was that I was still dependent on a couple different levels that I was extremely unaware of.

What’s Love Got to Do With It?

When I did meet a mate, someone that could join me on my journey and make it more fun, I almost made a huge mistake. I almost packed my bags to move in with him in Europe. We were imaging how it would look, and of course we discussed splitting the bills.

Anyone who builds a business, knows that it is challenging on all levels and beyond. And because I had been struggling financially, I welcomed the chance to be relieved of my financial troubles. Except something in the background didn’t feel right.

I mean isn’t this just the natural progression of life, right? I thought. My favorite couples on Youtube moved in with each other and they are thriving, right?!?! But, for some reason it felt to me like I was packing up and running away from my problems.

Common Sense

It wasn’t until I told my mom the date I had set to move to Europe.
Dreaming about how much money I would get to save splitting rent with someone, that she had some wise advice.

She told me that this was not a good idea, because if I was financially not making what I wanted, then that would be the first thing that comes up in the relationship. And it was there that I truly understood, that I was not moving with the natural flow of life, but instead trading in my freedom, and the chance to build my life on my terms, for a life of emotional and physical dependence.

I would not have the freedom I wanted, because my financial situation would be in the hands of someone else, at least partially. And I would still be abdicating my fate to someone else. Me and my boyfriend to be, would be together because we needed each other not because we wanted to.

And I wondered, when else was I relying on someone to save me? Someone with a net to catch me when I had fallen? I was still relying on my parents as well, to give me stuff, when I had failed to earn it to myself.

What kind of messages am I believing?

Naturally when I looked deep into my subconscious I found 3 instances where I was taught or saw that being confidence and relying on myself was manly. Needless to say I was in a sense taught to be dependent because it was more dainty and feminine. And while I wanted to help and save myself and others, I just couldn’t. For one these images were holding me back.

Here are some signs where I realized I was being Dependent when I wanted to be Independent

1. I relied on my family to save you or as a safety net

2. I almost! depended on a significant other financially, and to split a living situation while I was still building a business

3. I believed that someone will come and whisk me away from the struggle, pain and suffering and rescue me, just like Prince Charming

When I realized that the life I create and design is all on me, I realized I don’t have the time to waste anymore. If I let myself lean on someone else then I would be putting myself in a prision of some sorts. Especially after I have children. It is my dream to be able to support myself, and never have to rely on a significant other, especially if I needed to walk away from a situation.

I have built up my independence in the areas that I lacked by

1. Zoning in on monetary assets and planning for the future

I know what kind of lifestyle I want to have for myself, and so I am planning for that now, knowing how much I need to live a comfortable lifestyle on my own put me in the drivers seat of my life. And even going a step further as to plan out what my dream life would look like.

2. Delaying gratification

Sure it feels great in the short term to have someone to cuddle up next to. But before long all that cuddling leads to dropped dreams and codependency. I have put a relationship on hold to be able to work on myself, and have a lifestyle that I want.

3. Becoming super serious about the work I do and relentlessly pressuring it!

Overcoming Fears

How I faced existential fear and reclaimed my life

A funny thing happened as I began upgrading the stories that were swirling around in my head. My healing of choice lately is Rapid Transformational Therapy, as I find it does a fantastic job of getting to the root of the belief.

During this last session, I was able to totally upgrade my sense of confidence. I was feeling amazing. I felt so upgraded, that I felt like a new person! Empowered, seeing new options available to me.

Well…to my surprise about a week later, an old program became triggered. A program inside of me that I learned a long long time ago. And this program came with a deep sense of FEAR.

I was frozen and fear had it’s grip on me. As my mind raced years and years into the future. Drawing, predicting and rewriting my future.

This fear was triggered by the fact that I was feeling amazing and truly believe that I can have it all.

It’s amazing how some of our mechanisms become ignited right when we make long strides towards our goals. I felt like I was right at the finish line, only to get pulled back by an uncontrollable monkey mind.

And the thing is it’s easy to see what other experts say about how to tame the wild mind when it gets out of control.

My thoughts were totally out of control, some experts say to ignore the thoughts, but these thoughts made me look! They made me see things that I didn’t want to. The worst possible scenarios.

And when this happens, the best thing that works for me, is to go inward with a professional.

Lots of experts say to tell yourself positive suggestions, and that works when the thoughts are mild. But when the thoughts have a lot of an energetic charge behind them. My best advice is to work through the root cause with a healer or an RTT therapist.

Because in this era, I need quick, and I need something that works.

Fear is such an uncomfortable feeling! But it really is just that. Just an energy. And with the right positive reassurance, or tool to get to the root, it can be lifted from you. And peace of mind can be restored.

If you are feeling intense fear from whatever program or memories has been triggered within you some topical advice is to:

1. Name the thought a name like “Joker.” Any time it reoccurs, you can say “Oh, let me just ignore this. It’s just Joker again.”

2. Try to focus on what you can have in life. When you are fearing, you are most likely looking at the most negative outcome. It’s easier said that done, but instead of looking at the fearful event with negative lenses, look at your life and the problem and expect the most positive outcome to happen.

3. The fear is not real. It really is an old program. Whether it’s from self-sabotage, fear of success, or something you want but feel you can’t have, the fear is not actually real. And it is possible for you to have what you want.

I took care of my problem by seeing someone, and now I am no longer bothered by the feeling of fear that was producing these thoughts.

If you would like to transform your fear into success book a free strategy call with me:

Overcoming Fears

Episode #16 How To Start A Successful Speaking Career By Using Your Story

Grant Baldwin is the author of “The Successful Speaker” and founder of, a training company for public speakers. He is also the creator and host of The Speaker Lab podcast and has coached thousands of speakers. He has been regularly featured in the national media included Forbes, Inc., Entrepreneur and the Huffington Post. He lives near Nashville, Tennessee with his wife and three daughters.

Check it out! And Let me know what you think!

Episode #15 Your Personality Isn’t Permanent with Dr. Benjamin Hardy

Dr. Benjamin Hardy is an organizational psychologist and bestselling author of
Willpower Doesn’t Work. His blogs have been read by over 100 million people and are
featured on Forbes, Fortune, CNBC, Cheddar, Big Think, and many others. He is a
regular contributor to Inc. and Psychology Today and from 2015-2018, he was the #1
writer, in the world, on He and his wife Lauren adopted three children
through the foster system in February 2018 and, one month later, Lauren became
pregnant with twins, who were born in December of 2018. They live in Orlando.

Overcoming Fears Overcoming Insecurities

How I successfully went from a lack mindset to abundance mindset

To finally put an ending to this three part money saga. I had already realized that I had these money issues, surround receiving money. And also asking for money. Which I now know and remember that my dad would always hand my mom 3 dollars for her to go shopping with. Hey, it was the the 90s. -_-.

So when I needed a little assistance from my parents for food. Because I believe in my business, and there is no use starving..anymore. There never was a point in starving :D. Suffering’s is optional.

Tibor said something that really challenged my beliefs that I wanted to let go.

He said to think of money as the measure of value that I make. And something really, and finally clicked. He said that I can’t make the difference that I want to make without magnifying money as well.

Specifically he said “The more I can get, the more I can help others.” And this resonated with me in a non-greedy but healing way. I used to be so afraid to even ask for money. And it’s just unnecessary. Because my intentions are good.

And today I had a client that purchased two healing sessions from me. So beliefs don’t have anything to do with how we live? They do!.


The temptation to quit right before the breakthrough?

Today is the first day that I really was about to cry regarding my business. I would say it was the closest to tears i’ve come. there was only one there time but i can’t remember it now.

To me, this is how i know how important cultivating this business is for me.

Tibor, who is my boyfriend, seems to be having no trouble having buyers for his podcast program. And for me, it seems that i have to scrape buy. even sometimes fast, and go with out food. i mean the desk i am working on isn’t even up to par. And it is just frustrating when i feel i am at my breaking point. i have been so tired these last few days and feel that i have lost direction, but i also feel that i am so close, so so close to someone exchanging actual money in exchange for my help. Yesterday i had an RTT schedule that was supposed to free me of additional blocks around money, because i feel that there is more in my head to be unleashed. but the girl was in china and the connection wasn’t working. I feel that i am scrapping things together and i am climbing up this hard mountain but tibor just skips up it, like it is easier for him to get his rankings in the top podcast on iTunes in germany and austria and for me, i am putting all of my damn effort into ding facebook lives, and writing these posts, and it feels like nobody comes. i am tired. and i also feel this powerful breaking inside of me, that is taking me to the next level. i am glad that i woke up to this reality.

I always remember that on the show Southern Charm, this one woman said that when women find the guy they like they decide it’s time to play house, and forget all about their career. i think, that as i literally wrote yesterday, plans for Tibor to come with me to Seattle, I was getting lost in that daydream. And forgetting all abut what will truly fulfill me which is a healthy and good financial statement from my thriving business.

Lately, i have been so tired, even tired to move on. I have been asking myself how can i get the energy to go on? But i have been having powerful dreams lately. where i don’t even remember what happened, i think in one marisa peer was there and she’s naked. and that is power in vulnerability. but the dreams have been leaving me with a wonderful healing sensation. i have noticed it for the past two days it has happened because i am conscious of this wonderful healing floating feeling. it’s strong and it’s sensational, and it gives me power. it makes me recognize how powerful i truly am. and it shows me the future too. it shows me my potential and my potential for the future of me. and it shows me it’s time to uplevel my look.

There is a quote i saw that today that said “the temptation to want to quit will be the greatest right before you are about to succeed” i feel that i am about to succeed but i also feel sad and angry that it comes too easily to tibor, so there you go…. will update soon.

A couple things are helping me through this time:

  1. knowing that i have a coach that gives me support and collaboration and more strength
  2. feeling that it is time to go all in. to really give it everything that i’ve got. to make plans. to dig deep. and give it all my strength and see what happens
  3. that i am responsible for my own financial fulfillment! 😀


Well folks the day was a bumpy roller coaster ride. After I finished writing this post, I still had more anger that unleashed itself. and I started crying a lot because i felt defeated by the fact that it felt so difficult to earn money in my business. i had not even earned 100$ yet, and i said i had starved on multiple occasions, had to walk all these dogs, borrowed money from my parents, and this has been going on for almost 3 years now. When will it end?

I got into a fight with Tibor, which is honestly no fault of his own. what did Tibor do? He is just being successful, and i lashed out at him. Shouldn’t i be happy?

Well, i showed a bad side of myself, and was really angry. And of course said some things i regret. i didn’t handle myself the way i wanted. and this toxic feeling continued to spew over even in my coaching session with my business coach today. Luckily, we uncovered in this session that i am not open to receiving money, as i said that if someone tried to give me money for my service i would say no thank you. and i am also putting such a huge emphasis on money too. making it holier than thou, and like something i can’t possibly have or is out of my league. just acknowledging this out loud has created a shift for me. and i am also focusing on one thing at a time now which is doing Facebook Lives to promote my business. i am putting my podcast on pause for a moment until i can churn a profit. Friends, I feel i am close, just didn’t know i have so many things to heal :D/ and now you can see that whatever point i am in today in my business. it wasn’t always like this :D.

Lighten Up Waking Up to Love

How I Learned To Love Myself

Themes this week are empowerment, money, gorgeousness, independence, awakening.

Hello gorgeous! You might think this title is a little straight-forward. Even arrogant. And let me tell you right now. it is not!

This morning I woke up and decided to go for a beautiful and inspiration walk around Seattle. I had truly not been out really it seems like months due to corona and working! I was holed up in my apartment, head down working on my business. AKA sitting at my laptop and desk for 12 hours. I wanted to have some fun. So I decided to spring for a coffee, (sometime I had not had in 8 months?) A short blonde roast at the local Starbucks really jazzed me up. :D.

From Painfully Self-Hating to GGGGORGEOUS

It was on this beautiful nature walk around gorgeous Seattle. I don’t know if it was the water, the cloudy sky with a little bit of blue peaking out, the rain-misted fresh air….

But I started to feel a little bit of energy……

…..I dunno if it had partly to do with my RTT session last night…..

….you know the one that has to do with money….

I mean we totally rewired and ripped out any limiting beliefs that I had abut money. And today I just feel so empowered.

Which got me thinking. Is money one of the best ways to be empowered?

Money and Empowerment

Sure, I felt really GOOD, stress free, and kind, calm when I worked on myself all those times. But when I regained the ability to think about money in a healthy, certainty attainable way, something flipped.

I turned in to the ULTRA version of myself.

I feel empowered, totally capable of making $10k months.

Even $20k months.

The feeling is like I am not myself anymore. I woke up and I got a coffee because I knew that today marked the last page in a chapter of my life.

The Start of A New Chapter

It’s a funny thing. This point I am at in my life, being 30, this day, really feels like the last page in a chapter. I am embarking on a new chapter of my life, and i guess the saying goes “every new level of life requires a new level of you.”

A couple things I noticed about this new level-uped me:

  1. I am fearless in showing excitement and empowerment: I am coming out like a butterfly, no longer a catapiller. There were times that I shrunk down my shoulders so that other women don’t think I’m pretty and therefore become threatened, and certainly shrugged my shoulders and lowered my eyes when a man was around incase they thought I was pretty. Now….psh. No way. I am pretty! And I am feeling myself. And it’s not arrogant. Everyone should feel gorgeous and beautiful and healthy. Everyone should love the skin they are in. It is totally possible and attainable. Especially with the tools, research, and facts we know about neuroplasticity. The brain is capable of making new neural pathways. This means if you always felt like the ugly duckling but wanted to be a swan, ( like i have), that feeling can go! it’s much easier than you might think.

2. I Feel that I am Enough

As I spoke yesterday, something clicked after the RTT session I did to rewire money beliefs. I looked at my Facebook feed, and I had been struggling with feelings of jealousy, or lack of specialness, or not enough, comparison for the last week. And I decided that I will not be comparing myself anymore. Comparison had become part of my identity. So much so that I felt the sliver off energy feeling it feels like to compare yourself. I felt half-human. And i Was. I was operating as a half-human because I was totally thinking other women were better, smarter, prettier, all together better then me. And i was so invested in their lives. No more. Today I saw a notification for some people who were doing awesome stuff, and instead offering less than or not special, i joined in and spoke my truth excitedly. I am enough and it shows in my confidence. I think people will react me to me differently now, because I don’t need to prove that I am good enough. I just am.

3. I can lean into discomfort

I used to be scared crapless that when I show “how good i am” whether that be showing up wearing a bomb outfit, hair and makeup looking great, but also having a beautiful heart and soul, it would threaten people. i never felt comfortable dressing up because I didn’t want to make anyone uncomfortable. So I would hide my body under sweaters and clothes that didn’t show it off. I didn’t want the attention.

Now though, well, this is a different ball game. If I feel someone is threatened it is a reflection of them. But what has changed is that my energy is different. What used to physically hurt me as a sensitive being was the energy of jealously. I could sense it. And it scared me. Now i have thicker skin, and i am happy and i know in my heart and mind, and emotions who I am and what I have been through. I have first-hand knowledge of who I am, not what someone has told me i am. And this makes self-trust easier. I can see the world around me clearly and I know what I want and I know what I’ve been through. And i am able to celebrate that! 😀

So…money…. who knew it was a way to level up empowerment. 😀 😉

Song of the day: