What’s that new freeing feeling I feel?
with a tinge of bittersweet memories on my tongue. a new solo adventure begins wth myself, suddenly the future is not so written in iink,
the memory and experiences that were made with another person become crystalized.
And cataloged into the archive of my life.
Yes this is what happens when two people have learned all they can from a relationship, and now they go their separate ways.
Which is what I experienced about 3 weeks ago now.
But it has me reflecting on how much have grown since I started documenting this journey of self-growth in 2017.
When I had spent the last 7-8 years sans boy. The minute after I worked on myself deeply one came in to my life.
But the truth is that relationships are one of the best learning tools. The hard part is distinguishing if someone is the coveted one, that we’ve been brainwashed to expect.
The last relationship although wasn’t the one, was a sweet and memorable experience for me. I think it’s really healthy and good for me to have experienced a couple relationships that I can cherish.
This one taught me what I wanted in a relationship, really unconsciously what I expected a relationship to be like for me. And what role I wanted to play within a relationship.
And it is only in hindsight that I can see there were red flags. But I cherish the experience.
It’s All Just Energy
Relationships are just energy, just like everything else in the universe. And there is a certain energy between two people that keep them together and attracted to each other.
That’s why some women date people just like their dad and think this person is the final stop!
They don’t see the same unemotional, unavailable, coldness, that is very similar to how they grew up. Even for an advanced person in healing as I am, had a difficult time recognizing that clearly.
It is easy to get blinded by trauma and beliefs that cover our eyes like tinted glasses.
Not Everyone Will Be The one!
It’s interesting to note that not everyone is “the one”. Seriously it seemed like every guy that entered my life and wanted to date, just by virtue of being interested in me, i deemed the one.
I thought the man i would spend the rest of my life with is easy to identify. But luckily for me EVERY guy that comes into my life romantically I envision my life with them. When I have kids I am definitely not going to be teaching them that the princess gets rescued my a prince. That was the bain of my existence!
What I learned through this last relatonhip. Is that relationships hold so much growth.
Their beginnings are beautiful and even more so the endings are just as gorgeous. And sentimental. And painful. Knowing that someone has left my life, and we are on two separate paths, when just a few months ago we were planning to live together abroad.
Shows me just how special moments are with other people. Because they are fleeting.
Life is just a gorgeous array of hope. And now that I am single again, and in my 30s. I look forward to my life that I am buiidng and scaling on my own terms, and take every day in, with gratitude.
This past relatiionship with T is something that i will cherish for the rest of my life.
Another thing that I learned is that, I want a man that will lift me up, someone that I don’t feel like I have to cook in the kitchen and take on the traditional roles. But moreso cook because I love to. I want someone to support my success. And allow me to be unapologetically success and leading.
Just like how Kanye supports Kim!
The next leg of the journey is mine to take.
And I am enojoying the sights from this high up in my life. 🙂
Life, I’m ready for more of you. What’s next?
Relationships have a certain energy to them, and they are keeping two people together. Like attracts Like
As soon as I healed my masculine side the energy holding the relationship together fell away. And so there wasn’t anything left to learn.
Trauma can bind two people together. Trauma/beliefs don’t always have to be severe. It can be the little things that our parents did, that we look for and feel comforted in other people. For example, your dad being cold, and now your partner is cold.
Sometimes we feel like we have known people for our whole lives, and say “i feel like i’ve known you forever. We must be old souls from a past life” While, sometimes that is true. Generally it could be trauma talking, and the fact that this person seems like your parent is what makes them so familiar.
Life is absolutely beautiful, all of it, beginnings, and endings, the bittersweet nature of it.
It’s a journey, we are only here temporarily, enjoy the ride.